PARENT - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this
way, perhaps none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips
to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends
and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph
in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework
projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of
a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for
the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the
quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18
because of the assumption that college will help
them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only
do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth,
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for
life if you play your cards right.
AND A FOOTNOTE
** THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
If you are fortunate enough you will become Grandparents!
